Month: May 2026

REVIEW: The Mandalorian and Grogu

Last weekend before Memorial Day, my sister Natalie, who is an even bigger Star Wars fan than I am, asked me to go with her and her husband, plus my sister Claire and her husband, to see the premiere of The Mandalorian and Grogu in the theatre. It was the kind of family outing we hadn’t had in a while. It was good fun.

This movie is of course a direct extension of the Disney+ TV series The Mandalorian in which a stoic mercenary (voiced by Pedro Pascal) finds a cute little “Baby Yoda” (whom he later finds out is named Grogu) and has to protect him from the Imperial warlords trying to experiment on him for his Force powers. The Mandalorian tries to find Grogu a Jedi trainer, and he ends up being taken in by Luke Skywalker himself, but Luke lets Grogu go when he realizes he wants to stay with the man he considers his father.

So at the start of this movie, “The Mandalorian” (his given name was mentioned in the series, but it’s never used here) has cast his lot in with the New Republic and is only taking jobs that involve hunting down Imperial leaders trying to maintain their power bases after the Emperor’s death. The Mandalorian’s Republic liason (Sigourney Weaver) gives him a job to capture the rogue Ratta the Hutt (voiced by Jeremy Allen White) and turn him in to his aunt and uncle so that they will give information on the whereabouts of a high-ranking Imperial. But then Ratta turns out to be the nicest Hutt in the Galaxy. And he reminds Mando that his relatives are not taking him in out of the goodness of their hearts. As the last son of Jabba the Hutt, Ratta is a threat to their power. And eventually he tells Mando that the Imperial that the Republic is looking for is the same local crime boss who hired Ratta as a gladiator. So the two men, along with Grogu and the Mandalorian’s trusty pilot, assault the officer’s estate and bring him in to justice.

In gratitude, the Mandalorian agrees to get Ratta safe passage to an unknown location, but this earns him the ire of the two Hutt lords, and the second half of the movie is about their scheme to get revenge.

The thing I like about Star Wars “side” projects like this and Andor is that they create a sense of the larger universe occurring outside the “Skywalker Saga.” It’s the sort of thing that explains why Star Wars made such a great role-playing game (at least in the West End Games version) because it was easy to see how you could create your own stories in it. Not only that, but the Mandalorian/Grogu story inadvertently addresses a story problem with original Star Wars: In Episodes IV through IX, the story is about one Jedi student and their non-Force adept friends. But as the Jedi seeks out training, they get separated from their friends and their opposition goes to a much higher power level, so that the Jedi and the other characters are in two separate stories. That can’t happen here. Grogu is extremely powerful in the Force, but is still a child, and small and vulnerable, plus which, he can’t talk. So while he does a lot more on his own initiative in this movie, it still centers on Pedro Pascal and his amazing action stuntmen, even as Grogu and the Mandalorian are inseparable.

At the same time, while the stakes may be lethal in the short-term, there is no grand strategy or storyline involved. The movie is very much like an extended episode of the TV show, where’s it’s just The Mandalorian continuing on his way and adjusting to having this super-powered toddler following him everywhere. A lot of critics seem to find this a disappointing basis for a movie compared to other Star Wars material, but again, this was the same premise as The Mandalorian TV series, and that obviously struck a chord with people.

Ultimately, I feel the same way about The Mandalorian and Grogu that I felt about the TV series: It doesn’t need to exist, but I’m glad that it does.

The Colbert Questionnert

As we know, Thursday May 21 is not only the end of Stephen Colbert’s contract with CBS, it is the end of The Late Show, period. And one of my favorite recurring bits from that was when Stephen would have one of his celebrity guests take the Colbert Questionnaire (ert) which mostly consisted of the same questions every time, a device he said was to make the subject “known” in their motives.

I had often daydreamed of achieving some thing that would get me on the show to do the Questionnert, but that’s not going to happen now. So as an exercise, on Colbert’s last day, I want to take the Colbert Questionnaire (ert) myself since that’s the only way I will get to do so.

What is the best sandwich?

French Dip. Either that or a Monte Cristo, but it’s really hard to make a good Monte Cristo, while it’s really hard to screw up a French Dip.

What was your first concert?

Monsters of Rock, 1984, just after I graduated high school. This was the one that had Scorpions and Van Halen as opening acts, but the main reason I remember it was that this is where I first saw Metallica.

What is the scariest animal?

Piranhas. Especially when you’re naked.

Apples or Oranges?

I like both, but oranges give me acid. So apples.

Have you ever asked someone else for their autograph?

Yes. A few months before my Mom died, we went to see Penn & Teller at the Rio in Las Vegas, and as they always do after the show, they came outside to the merchandise area and signed autographs. And so I had them autograph our program book. And because that was one of the last things Mom and I did together, it meant a lot to me.

What do you think happens when we die?

I would like to think that when you die, you will see your family, and your friends, and your dogs again, but I have no proof that is going to happen. Based only on what I know, I have to conclude that when you die, that’s it. And that is why you have to make your life memorable, because that is the only way we live on, is in memories.

Favorite action movie?

Waiting For Godot.

Window or Aisle?

Aisle. I’m real fat.

Favorite smell?

Airplane glue.

Least favorite smell?

Cat shit. Well, pig manure is more toxic, but most of us don’t have to be around pig manure. Although I know one guy who did. My friends and I would get together on Sundays and play wargames at his house and he had a really nice house in the suburbs that he got for really cheap. But he got it really cheap because it was down range of a pig farm. Which only goes to show that you pay for everything one way or another.

Earliest memory?

The one that comes to mind was when I was a little kid, maybe 5, and I was in the living room and I accidentally fell and hit my chin on the corner of the coffee table, and it bled so much they ended up taking me to the emergency room, and my memory is being on the ambulance bed at night being driven to the hospital. And I can remember this because I have a scar on my chin to this day.

Cats or Dogs?

I like both, but I choose dogs because I am frequently allergic to cats.

You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. It doesn’t have to be on all the time, but when music comes on, this is what you hear. What is the song?

“Freewill” by Rush.

What number am I thinking of?

69, dude!

Describe the rest of your life in five words.

Hopefully. Better. Than. This. Was.

Incidentally, there is a site where a guy created the “Coal Bare Questionnaire” in which people take the quiz and the answers are compared to the ones given by the Colbert guests. My list was deemed most similar to actor Gary Oldman:https://coalbarequestionnaire.com/results/a7e77b6e-1230-4023-b2d0-b97561ebddc3?n=2

“Congratulations — you are Gary Oldman, a man who believes death is simply ‘lights out,’ loves dogs for their superior smell, and prefers the aisle (metaphorically, even if Gary picks the window). Your nihilistic yet oddly dignified afterlife philosophy, combined with choosing Rush’s ‘Freewill’ as your eternal soundtrack and calling Waiting for Godot an action movie, suggests a person who has thought very seriously about existence and arrived at ‘nope.’ Gary would absolutely high-five you for getting Penn & Teller’s autographs, though he might raise an eyebrow at the ’69!’ “

Global Strategy For Dummies

Hi, I’m Donald Trump.

Hi, Donald.

And I’m bein’ told… that I’m a dummy.

Yes, Donald. Yes, you are.

Like, what am I doin’ wrong?

Everything.

I mean, everybody’s blamin’ me for inflation! The whole point of the campaign was I was gonna fix inflation.

All right, there are at least two reasons why the prices went up.

Okay.

…Do you know what they are?

….

Well, let’s go over them. The first one is tariffs, which pass directly to the consumer.

No they don’t. They pass to the foreigners.

No. They do not.

The point is, the whole point of what I’m doin’ is to get away from progressive taxation. Any time you hear ‘progressive’, it’s bad. Cause it takes money from rich people. Like me. Before we had a federal income tax, we paid for everything with tariffs. And it helped that government wasn’t paying for that much. Like, say, welfare. Or highways.

So you’re using tariffs in order to phase out the income tax.

Yeah.

Which would pass all the economic burdens from the upper percentile, who have more money than anybody else but need to spend the least, to the vast majority of voters, who have less disposable income because they have less budget already.

Well, who cares about them. All they can do is vote every four years. Rich people can bribe me every day.

Okay, then the second thing is the Iran War.

That’s still on?

Uh, yeah.

I ended it.

Why is there still a blockade and why is Iran still attacking ships in the Strait of Hormuz?

Beats me, I got nothin’ to do with it.

But it’s still going on.

No it’s not, and anyway, it’s not a war. It’s an “excursion.” Like, with what I did with E. Jean Carroll. Or a “special military operation.” That’s what Vladimir calls Ukraine. He’s my best friend in the whole wide world.

Yes sir. But, the reason it matters is that Iran wouldn’t have had the opportunity to choke the Strait if we hadn’t attacked them. But now they have no reason not to, which is why they’re doing it. So 20 percent of the world’s petroleum comes through the Strait. That affects prices on everything, even in this country, which makes its own oil, because of an artificial global scarcity.

Okay.

Rising fuel prices include air travel. And trucks. Airplanes and trucks transport goods. Like groceries.

Groceries! Did you know that’s a word? A word I invented. Groceries.

Yes sir. But if prices rise on transport of groceries, prices go up on groceries. And across the board. That’s why inflation is going up so much.

It’s worth it. As soon as this is all over, and we’re makin’ a deal any day now, it’s a great deal, better than Barack HUSSEIN Obama, all those prices are gonna drop like a rock. Or my polls.

Why is it worth it?

Because we can have some stress in the economy for a little while. This war’s only goin’ on, like, two months! World War II was four years. Vietnam was about twelve! I could make this go on A LOT longer! If I wanted to, it could go twenty years!

You’ll still be president then?

Yeah! The point is, we need to do this until Iran surrenders. I mean they rape women! They shoot dissidents! Even more than I do! Because the whole point is, I say this over and over, is Iran can never be allowed to have a nuclear weapon.

True. I mean recent history shows how dangerous it is to let a deranged government have a nuclear weapon.

Exactly!

And how are we making this deal?

Well, it’s like every other deal I make. I want someone to do something, and they better do it, or I sic lawyers on them and make them go bankrupt or put ’em in jail.

That doesn’t work with other countries.

It worked with Greenland.

We don’t own Greenland.

Yeah right. Next you’re gonna tell me Canada isn’t a state.

So as we understand it, part of this deal is the negotiation you’re having this week with China.

It’s gonna be great. I understand they have McDonald’s there now.

What are we going to do there?

Well, we need to give them incentives. Like Congress had a bill authorizing 2 billion or so in military aid to Taiwan. President Xi doesn’t like that. I could kill the deal. That would be one thing we would offer.

But sir, a lot of your own Republicans support Taiwan. Siding with mainland China would be abandoning a friendly democracy and turning it over to a brutal one-party regime.

You’re saying ‘brutal one-party regime’ like it’s a BAD thing.

And there’s something else. We got into the Iran war at the behest of Bibi Netanyahu in Israel –

No no no no no. I’m not taking orders from Bibi. We got into this war because we knew they were going to attack Iran anyway.

But we had to join in?

Why should they have all the fun?

But Israel is even more determined to destroy the Tehran government than you are. If you and China make a deal for peace with Iran, how do you know Israel won’t just attack anyway?

They need to go along.

Or else?

Look, all these people, like Jaimie Diamond and Miriam Adelson, who support me and Bibi, they need to take sides. They can take or leave Bibi. They can’t take me for granted. He’s younger. I’m pushing 80 years old and need to cram for a test so I can tell a doggie from a horsie.

Serious question, regardless of which president is in charge, why do we need to build our foreign policy goals around Israel?

Well, all the preachers who counsel me, they say it’s important for Christianity.

Do you know what Christianity is, sir?

Yeah, sure.

Explain it then. Who is Jesus and what is his purpose?

Okay, great. Well. Once upon a time there was this guy named Jesus. Real great guy. He could heal sick people without making us pay taxes for health care. He could turn water into wine, or sugar into cocaine. And he came to preach about God in Jerusalem. And all these ‘experts’ in the priesthood didn’t like that. So they accused him of blasphemy. Total setup. Rigged. Like the Joe Biden election. If he had my lawyer, I woulda gotten him off. So they wanted to kill Jesus, but Israel was under Roman occupation and they needed them to do it. The Jews, they needed to have this big, strong, imperial power do their dirty work for them.

Mm hmm.

So they got the Romans to nail him to a cross, which is what they did to Kirk Douglas and Tony Curtis. Real nasty. You just get stretched on a frame hanging so that your body collapses on its own weight and you die. I’m pretty sure that Jesus took a shit then.

Really.

Well, they say that’s what happens, when you lost your automatic functions, the bowels just give out. I’ve been thinking a lot about losing control of your bowels lately.

But anyway.

So, the neat thing is, he came back! He came back to life, cause God loved him so much. All those Democrats thought he was done for good, but he showed them. So, he wakes up, in the tomb, he rolls the stone from the entry, and he walks outside. And he turns around. And he sees his shadow. And that’s why we celebrate six more weeks of winter.

Yes sir. So – do you know what they call a leader when he deliberately jacks up prices to make himself rich, wrecks the economy even more by starting a MidEast war that endangers the global oil supply, and undermines his own strategic position in the hopes that other nations will help fix the problem he started?

No, what?

Well, the polite word is ‘dummy.’