REVIEW: Warhammer 40,000 Rogue Trader (CRPG)

MAJOR SPOILERS for Rogue Trader computer game:



All right. So you’re all asking, why did I tell Marazhai to switch teams and join us, after the Druhkari had raided our planets for slaves to torture? After he led us on a goose chase through half the galaxy? After he raided my throneworld and killed thousands of people? After he led us into a trap to take us all to his homeworld to turn us into slave gladiators? Why am I letting that racist snob Yrliet back into the team after she went behind my back to help Marazhai trap us?

Because I want to. And don’t argue. Half the reason some of you are still alive is because I let you. Idira, you listened to the voices in your head too long and they told you your old mistress Theodora was still alive, and your hallucination convinced you to summon a whole bunch of daemons onto the engineering deck of the ship and almost kill us. I knew Theodora rescued you in the first place, so I sympathized. But you can be at least as much of a threat as the xenos. This is along with the fact that just being a psyker means you could open the Warp and summon a giant daemon to kill all of us if you botch your power attempt, or even if you don’t.

And then there’s you, Argenta. You seemed to be so pure and idealistic, and then before our Arena fight, you stopped and told all of us that you were the one who killed Theodora. Now Idira wants to kill you just as much as you want to kill her, so as far as I’m concerned, you’re even.

And then there’s Heinrix. Heinrix is a good guy, for an Inquisitor, but that’s like saying Hitler loved dogs. He’s even more eager to torture these xenos than you are. It’s his job to arrest xenos. Or anybody else the Inquisition wants. Hell, technically he can arrest ME. But I keep him around because he’s useful. You all are.

And you, you giant Viking-Werewolf-Space Marine what-the-fuck, the only reason I haven’t said more about you is that anything I say could get me killed.

So, again, you’re asking me why I put both of these xenos in the party, after everything they’ve done to us? Well, because for one thing, you’re in no position to talk about undermining the group, and two, the most sadistic punishment I can think of for them is to put them on the same team as YOU GUYS!

I mean, really, this team is almost as dysfunctional as the Republican Party.