So, apparently the election was called for Joe Biden. I say “apparently” because it’s 2020, and you never know.
There will be another time to go over how bad things are for the Democrats. And I will. But for now, let us reflect on exactly how deeply, deeply Trump has LOST.
Indeed, while Trump got more votes than ever before, Joe Biden got more votes than even Obama. And that underscores the point that however badly the Democrats got shellacked in downballot races they “shoulda” won, the fact that Trump still lost as clearly and decisively as he did indicates that Trump might actually have under-performed the rest of his Party.
If nothing else, when the entire Goddamn world celebrates your loss of an election like it was the last scene in Return of the Jedi Special Edition, you really need to take stock of how much people fucking hate you.
And yet, our Boy King still went out a couple days after Election Day to say, “If you count only the LEGAL votes, I won easily.” He’s become less and less prone to be on camera since then and yet more and more prone to whine on Twitter. “Pennsylvania, they’re busin’ in ILLEGALS from Ethiopia, or Somalia, or wherever Ihlan Omar’s from! It’s not Election Day anymore! You can’t count votes after Election Day! That’s ILLEGAL! MOMMY! They’re pickin’ on me! It’s vewy UNFAIH!! Why’re they still countin’ votes?? You can’t just say the guy who got more votes won a state! Whaddya think this is, a DEMOCWACY?!? They’re tryin’ to STEAL the ewection fwom me! This ewection is WIGGED!!
“Wigged, I’m tellin’ ya! WIGGED!!!”
Somebody on Quora had the stones to ask, after the Democratic down-ballot humiliation and Trump’s apparent victory Tuesday, whether the media “were finally going to start telling the truth.” And then Trump had his little temper tantrum on Thursday, which MSDNC covered only briefly and which various news organizations refused to directly quote. CNN did play it in its entirely, but it was immediately ridiculed by various anchors, most famously Anderson Cooper, who said, “That is the president of the United States. That is the most powerful person in the world, and we see him like an obese turtle on his back flailing in the hot sun, realizing his time is over, but he just hasn’t accepted it and he wants to take everybody down with him, including this country.”
That IS the media finally telling the truth, or at least giving an honest opinion. The lie was when various media shills gave Trump free media and uncritical exposure that they never would have given Jill Stein or Gary Johnson, and after they helped get him elected by treating him as a serious politician, they continued to lie by giving him the decorum expected of a president, as though he were a rational adult and not a babbling ape-boy screaming to the Moon that he is the Lord of All Creation. And once there was even the possibility that that would no longer be the case anymore, they no longer felt the need to pretend, and there was no point in covering a press conference that was less a genuine news event and more of a psychotic break captured on television.
“I believe that what Gus is trying to tell you, Mr. President, is that you can suck it.”
Not to say that Trump won’t try to throw out every roadblock, but the longer he insists on delaying the obvious, the less he will look like George W. Bush in 2000 and more like Gore-Lieberman 2000. aka “Sore-Loserman 2000.” And not to say that Trump won’t pull every nasty little trick in the book, like getting his pet state legislatures to draft a whole set of partisan electors for him and then have his handpicked Supreme Court tell us it’s all as kosher as bacon-wrapped shrimp, but the more clearly and repeatedly the public makes clear to him how happy we are even to have the chance to be RID of him, the more he and his goons will fear the clear will of the majority. To defy that, even with the Supreme Court, is to delegitimize the entire government, and will require relying on the military to maintain power, which is not such a good bet, especially now that they know what Trump thinks of them.
Plus which, the real reason I think that’s not gonna happen is because Trump is the laziest fucking slug on Earth to be mislabeled Homo sapiens. To go against a wave of public opinion that is now turning into a tsunami would require Trump to keep martial law up all the time. It would require him to be on guard all the time. He’d have to spend all of his golf time just keeping a lid on things. But that would require work. It’s just too HARD. The thing is, whether liberals liked Trump or not, and whether they liked the Electoral College or not, they put up with Trump and his bullshit because those were the rules, and unlike Republicans, they actually like rules. The only reason they put up with Trump under minority rule was to protect the Electoral College and the rest of the Constitution. You game the rules of the Electoral College after the election, you invalidate the Electoral College, which is the only reason you were president in the first place. If you had majority support, you wouldn’t need the Electoral College. If you don’t even have that… You. Are. FUCKED.
As in, six-foot cactus, straight up ass, attached to an electric blender, set on “PUREE.”
Look, Trump: I never liked you. But… no, there is no ‘but.’ I never liked you. For the life of me, I will never understand how such an obvious phony got such a following from the same ‘flyover country’ that New York elites like you so openly disdain. The fact that they worship you so deeply just because you turn around and tell them what they want to hear indicates that such disdain is justified. Such support as you have reflects just as much on them as you, as the continued success of your party in this election indicates that they have embraced truly destructive values.
At the same time, the fact that you had such support, and that no Democratic hoax could dislodge Susan Collins, Mitch McConnell or Lindsay Graham indicates that even some Republicans realized that however much they liked the idea of Trump, they couldn’t deal with the reality. They seem happy to have a government where people like them are making the real decisions, as they did with the last Supreme Court appointments… they just don’t want YOU leading it.
You are more senile than Reagan, more crooked than Nixon, more incompetent than Carter, more vulgar than LBJ, and more imperious than FDR. You are certainly the worst president in American history since James Buchanan, who presided over the start of the Civil War. And of course you still have about three months to top him. Not only are you the worst president, you are the only statesman on Earth who combines in one person the gluttony of Augustus Gloop, the vanity of Violet Beauregard, the sheer brattiness of Veruca Salt, and the media obsession of Mike Teavee. And so, in the immortal words of Willy Wonka:
Good DAY, Sir!