Wake Me Up When September Ends

So on September 29 we reached the general election debate stage of the political season, in which former Senator and Vice President Joe Biden is running for President of the United States, and Viceroy for Russian North America Donald Trump is running to stay out of jail.

Prior to the first debate, the polls indicated that a lot of people thought Trump would beat Biden. Which seems strange given Biden’s lead. Personally I think that people thought of this as a gun fight between a Star Wars Stormtrooper and a Star Trek Security guard: The Stormtrooper can’t hit his target, but the redshirt dies anyway.

One gets this impression because Trump doesn’t debate. He whines, he brags, he insults, he changes the subject and he makes everything all about him. A 90-minute debate with Trump would simply be like one of Trump’s 90-minute pity party press conferences, except that it happens to include another person. The only point of Joe Biden participating in such an event is to convey himself to the public as the responsible adult in the room while Liddle Donnie Clown Boy is jumping up and down like a sugared-up five-year-old trying to throw him off his game.

For example, right from the get-go, Trump got himself so caught up in arguing with the moderator that this could have been called the Donald Trump/Chris Wallace Presidential Debate. All he could do when challenged on 200,000 dead from coronavirus was to say that Biden would’ve killed two million. All he could do to challenge Biden himself was to shout “socialist” like it was some sort of Lorica to ward off evil.

And at one point in the middle of all Trump’s mic-hogging, Biden just muttered, “Why don’t you just shut up?”
That should be his campaign slogan. BIDEN 2020: Donald, Why Don’t You Just Shut Up?

And then, after discussing the Supreme Court, and the ‘rona, and a bunch of oral detritus, Wallace asked Trump if it was true he only paid $750 in federal income taxes in 2016. He said (eventually) that he paid “millions of dollars.” Biden asked, “show us your tax returns.” And Trump said, “when they’re finished.” Sure. As soon as Mexico has paid for the wall.

To be sure Biden wasn’t terribly articulate in pushing his tax plan, but he was a normal guy, not a used car salesman on Adderall trying to remember English words other than “radical left”. And when Trump invoked the name of Hunter Biden like it was a magic word that was going to give him superpowers, Joe’s non-response might have hurt him more if Trump wasn’t so bitchy and loud that he got in his own way. Once again he argued with Wallace more than Biden and when Trump told Wallace to stop interrupting, Wallace said, “Why should I when you don’t?”

It was really getting to the point where future moderators ought to demand the power to cut off mics.

When Biden was allowed to speak over the Phil Spector Wall of Sound, he had articulate ideas about crime in cities, about the spread of coronavirus in cities and about ‘law and order.’ But when Chris Wallace tried pressing him on crime in Democrat cities, Trump would not stop interrupting Wallace even when he was making a point for his side. At that point Wallace asked if Trump wanted to switch seats.

As one observer put it, “Biden came prepared for a debate. Trump came in trying to prevent one.”

Ultimately, though, Biden was so quiet and low-key that it was hard to tell even when he did land a rhetorical punch. Somebody online had to point out to me where he said “Putin’s puppy.” But I think he did in fact convey himself as the responsible adult in the room, and the question is whether more people would rather have the country run by an empty-headed Jack-O-Lantern with a volume control problem.

So who do I think won the debate?

Chris Wallace, obviously.

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